I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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