Who wears a wallet chain?!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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