Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
