He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
