I'd wear matching sweaters with you
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
