GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
