I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
