I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
