i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
