i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
