So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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