i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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