Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
