This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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