Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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