You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
