maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
