he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
