VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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