Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
