I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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