omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
