You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
