I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
