the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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