I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just googled if crying burns calories
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
