He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
