Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My legs feel like baby dolphins
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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