That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
