he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize