I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
