if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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