PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize