fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
