Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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