Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
