11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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