New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
