Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
