Need sex. Gaining weight.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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