She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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