Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
