I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Houston, we have a blender
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
