There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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