Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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