I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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