She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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