Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
