The maid of honor just puked.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
