she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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