we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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