I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
