you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
