i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
