i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
