whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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