All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
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