i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
