I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
