i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
